To the World and Back Rev2 From China with love
by Mitch74
Summary: Ranma comes back from a training trip, and Akane can't remember the past few months... revised chap 3 and chap 4 completed (it's short; chapter 5 coming soon; sorry for the delay folks...)
1. Light

To the World and Back  
  
Warning! Although it has a plot, this story contains a little part of very explicit lemon. Nothing trashy, but extremely graphic. If you're not 17 or more (depending on your country), just don't read further - Or switch to chapter 2.  
  
Revision 2.0 'clean'  
  
Book 1 : From China with Love. "Et l'homme qui court vers la femme qu'il aime, lui aussi fait tourner le monde!" ("And the man running after the woman he loves, this one too makes the world revolve!") Benjamen Malaussène, La Fée Carabine,  
  
Chapter 1 : Light. It was like waking up in an endless sea of light, not even remembering what was up, what was down. Like being nothing, in the middle of nothingness, yet feeling like everything. For a while, there was perfect clarity: the secret of the universe, what is life, where we came from, where we're going, it was like being everywhere in every time. And then it went away.  
  
Akane woke up, feeling something was amiss. Everything was in order, though: her room was exactly like she remembered it, her homework done for the day on her desktop, her gi was draped over her wardrobe's door. She decided to put it on, and get some training in.  
  
Soon she found herself in the dojo, working out ; after a warming up longer than usual, she got started on kata. The feeling of wrongness got more pressing : she didn't know why, but her breathing had gotten better, while her stamina was down. Moreover, her joints were far stiffer than usual, and it hurt to perform high kicks that were child's play before. Stubbornly, Akane worked out, trying to reach that state of limberness so good it would allow her to follow every move of her quicksilver of a fiancé.  
  
On and on, Akane worked out. She wanted to become better, yet this time she felt that something would require her to be the best she could be. It was nothing she could pinpoint, only a deep feeling of dread in her guts and in the darker recesses of her mind. Even losing herself in kata so advanced she would have made her father cry and raise an eyebrow from Ranma, she couldn't pierce the veil separating her subconscious from her awareness.  
  
So she tried to beat it down, using such a clarity of focus along with her rage she started to glow, and to move faster and faster; so much that had she been wearing the Battle Dogi, it would have made no difference. Yet the veil proved itself as stubborn as she was, and refused to come down.  
  
And Akane worked out.  
  
Light.  
  
It was like waking up in an endless sea of light.  
  
Yet this time, it was coming from a glaring ray of sun falling through the curtains to fall on the defenseless eyes of a very weary Akane, instead of a deep revelation. Every part of her body was sore, even more than when she.  
  
Wait, what was that? When she. What? She couldn't remember. Every time she tried to grasp the end of her sentence, her subconscious would send a backlash of dizziness through her mind, leaving her disoriented, seasick and even more spent than she was before.  
  
Shaking her head (ouch! Not too much! Where the hell are those bells coming from anyway?), she started to rise (slooowly! Every bone, muscle, joint and whatever made her body protested - she wished she were a jellyfish), making her way to her bath things. She hoped nobody was in the furo, she desperately needed to loosen the bunch of knots - no, the huge knot her body had become.  
  
And she tumbled on Ranma, who was about to enter her room, his own bath things in his hands. She wanted to shout at him to get lost, to prove himself a gentleman and let herself bathe quietly, to start World War III once again if he looked at her funny.  
  
Instead of that, he rose his bath things, balanced them on his head, and grabbed Akane gently under her legs and back, bath things and all. Then, he made his way to the furo, where he grabbed two yukatas and readied them next to the sliding door separating the laundry room from the bath, still holding Akane with one arm. He then dragged two stools inside, sat Akane on one, and started to remove her pajamas.  
  
Akane just couldn't believe what was happening to her; on one side, she was thrilled. On the other (larger) one, she wanted to pound Ranma so hard he'd look like a tack in the floor. And on the overall, she still hurt too much to do anything.  
  
Ranma, who had gone out for a while after sitting Akane down and stripping her, came back inside with a can of balm, and started to rub Akane's shoulders, back and upper arms, undoing one knot after the other, efficiently, with only the faintest of pain where Akane was really sore. When he left an area, it was to work on another group of tense muscles, and soon Akane found herself floating, warm numbness spread all over herself. She was dozing off when Ranma started to work on her front, starting with her legs, the arch of her feet, her toes, then back up her legs.  
  
When he reached her apex, he hesitated only a second and started to work on the juncture of her leg muscles, being oh so close to her nexus but never getting there, then he switched directly to her abdominal muscles, before working a little on her floating ribs, and then he was done.  
  
Akane barely had the time to get out of her bliss, thinking that she'd hammer the baka as soon as her stomach let go of all the butterflies. Then Ranma started to wash her, scrubbing everywhere, with fast, efficient strokes, then rinsed her with a bucket of lukewarm water. Akane had to admit she didn't feel so bad anymore, and considered letting him go without more than a little bashing, when Ranma grabbed her in a fireman carry and sat her carefully in the furo. Folding a wet towel, he put it on her forehead before he turned around and washed himself.  
  
He was rapidly done, and joined Akane in the furo. His sight never left her face and Akane could only read concern in his gray-blue eyes.  
  
"You feelin okay, Akane? That was a nasty training session you must have gone through to put yourself in that shape!"  
  
She hesitated a bit before answering, "well I felt stiff before starting, and everything in me was off; I wanted to get back in shape, and I must have overdone it. It was silly anyway, it must have come from the training session we had the day before yesterday."  
  
"What are you talking about, Akane? We haven't trained together in the last eight months! You know as well as I do that Mom took me with her to meet her family in Europe, and after that Pop dragged me off to cross through all of Asia in an 'ultimate training trip'! And."  
  
Akane started to think. Yes, she was in her senior year at Furinkan High, so was Ranma, the idiot; she could remember everything she had had to learn this year, but she couldn't see herself learning it, or working on any exercise. Every time she tried to remember, the same veil as before would mask her memories. She knew something could allow her to break this veil, but nothing came forth.  
  
While Akane had spaced out, Ranma had gotten more and more preoccupied. His worries overcoming his 'open mouth insert foot' reflex, he got closer to Akane, shaking her lightly. She apparently shook awake and grabbed him roughly, holding him close.  
  
Ranma was too aware of their states of nakedness, but didn't dare move, not even breath. Akane realized it too, but holding Ranma close had made the veil lift partially. She slowly let go of him, and silencing him, embraced him once again. This time, he tentatively held her too, and the veil seemed about to come off of a memory. Not letting go, she looked at Ranma in the eyes, reading a mix of concern, fear, pride, and beneath all of this a layer of tenderness she had seen there only once in a while. This look had always been directed at her one way or another: when he gave her flowers, when he ate her chocolate for Valentine's day, when he had frozen at her door, seeing her in her wedding dress.  
  
***lemon start here - not that great, if you still want to read it, email me*** *** end lemon ***  
  
Of course, on waking up her old Mallet-sama reflex kicked in and Ranma was the one in dire need of a massage after that. 


	2. And the Fathers

Chapter 2 : And the Fathers…  
  
It's not like it was unexpected : they hadn't been particularly silent during some of their 'celebrations', and when they FINALLY came (no pun intended) out of the bedroom a few days later… They had a white dress and matching tuxedo waiting for them, a fully decorated dojo complete with priest… It was also the first western-style wedding in memory where the bride didn't walk to the aisle with her groom waiting for her, but rather ran to it alongside him, both pushed by over enthusiastic parents.  
  
The priest wasn't that standard either : in under thirty seconds, he had pronounced the usual greetings, and when it came to the telling of the vows by the two bewildered youths in front of him, it was something like this :  
  
"You take him/her as your spouseprotecthim/herinpovertyandrichessyadda yadda yadda?"  
  
"Huh/Wha…?"  
  
"I'll take that as a yes! Now let me present you Mr. and Mrs. Saotome!"  
  
Standing ovation from hastily gathered family and closest neighbors.  
  
"Now where's the sake? Speaking so fast has gotten me thirsty…" And the priest walked off, heading towards an already plastered Genma swinging a wailing Soun around (ever heard of Doppler effect? Well, it was a perfect demonstration of it – with twin sprinklers added in bonus).  
  
It was during the slightly damper than usual ensuing meal that Soun stopped sobbing for a while, and started on a speech that got more and more slurred and hacked by sobs.  
  
"My baby daugob daughter's all grown up!! wail Finally we'll get a proper heir to the dojo Saotomhic Saotome my friend!"  
  
Now Akane should have been terminally embarrassed by that time, which should have led her to anger and then fast negation, saying why should she do something with Ranma…?!  
  
The guy who had popped her cherry several months before and with who she'd been found enacting carnal acts so intense Kasumi had asked her how could she put her ankles THAT way… Ok, an heir it is. But not now!  
  
Wait… PROPER heir?!  
  
And that veil, only partially lifted, imposed itself in her mind once again, along with that deep feeling of angst in her belly. And, instead of a flustered then angry Akane, Soun's words made her utter a soft yet heart-wrenching moan, her eyes teared up, and not understanding why, she flung herself in the arms of a flabbergasted Ranma.  
  
This caught the attention of everybody at the table, except Soun and Nabiki's : the latter cast a look so cold at her father that he should have disappeared from the very fabric of reality, but he matched hers with an uncharacteristically hard gaze. One that said that he had done what he had to.  
  
Akane had been taken by Ranma up to their now common room (there was a rearing stallion under the duck on the door now), still crying softly. When she finally became coherent enough, she had told him that herself didn't know where that had come from… And she told him about the veil and her gut feelings since he came back.  
  
"Something's not right here Akane. I wonder…"  
  
Akane watched him expectantly, her teary eyes clearing up as Ranma's face set itself in determination.  
  
"You should really not wear makeup. You're too set in your tomboyish ways to start now, even your body reacts badly to it."  
  
This got him a banging.  
  
"And anyway, I prefer you like this : I'm so much of a man I need a tomboy for a wife : all the others had no chance to get me. I love my tomboy too much."  
  
That got him another kind of banging.   
  
One that was soon followed by another, on the wall, by an irate Nabiki requiring her beauty sleep.  
  
Feminine retribution enacted, Ranma resumed.  
  
"Something's wrong though. And this kinda effects are more Chinese than I'm comfortable with."  
  
Akane nodded once then caught him in a death grip before falling asleep. Ranma stayed awake a little while longer, slowly caressing her silky blue-black hair.  
  
They got up early, spared a bit (Genma was still too plastered to move), bathed (fun!) and got dressed. Then they headed to the Nekohanten.  
  
Only to find it gone, replaced by a burger joint.  
  
They asked the new owner how long had he been there.  
  
"Only for a few days, the previous tenants were obviously in a hurry. The building contractors are the fastest I've ever seen : they added anti seismic so fast you'd think all of Japan's earthquakes were centered here."  
  
This had a slight sweat-drop running behind Akane's head, while a larger one could be found behind Ranma's. The owner kept talking though.  
  
"I've seen them only once, an old crone balancing on a stick, while the guy was packing tremendous amounts of things in small boxes and the girl helped him by throwing him furniture he packed instantly – only stopping to take care of their child."  
  
"Huh? Mousse and Shampoo had a child while I was off?" Ranma said, "I dunno if Mousse's lucky or signed his death sentence."  
  
"I don't remember, Ranma… Now that I think about it, I just don't know what became of all your fiancées after you left either."  
  
"Oh well. One less thing to take care of. Let's head to doc Tofu's then, I've heard he's back from his trip."  
  
"Hello Ranma, hello Akane! I've heard congratulations are in order. What brings you by?"  
  
"Hey Doc! Well, we wanted to see you, it's been a long time since you were last here. You're back for good?"  
  
"I hope so."  
  
"Doctor Tofu, there's another reason we came here…" Akane stopped talking, thinking about how to explain it.  
  
"Don't worry Akane, I've got everything you'd need to take care of that."  
  
"What? You really have?"  
  
"Well, birth control isn't that uncommon in Japan nowadays, Akane."  
  
Blushes.  
  
"It's not that, Doc. Akane's lost her mindWHACK"  
  
"I can't remember what happened the last eight months or so, Doctor. And thank you, I had my sisters taking care of the… other thing you mentioned."  
  
Tofu looked at the moving pretzel Ranma had become, wondering if there was a cure to the foot in mouth disease, before focusing on what Akane had said.  
  
"Well, let me take a look at you Akane. Follow me into the examination room, if you please?"  
  
A recovered Ranma was hovering near Akane, while Tofu examined her head. Everything was normal, except for something…  
  
"Do you remember the Xi Fa Xiang Gao technique Akane?"  
  
"Yes Doctor, even the time Shampoo applied it now."  
  
"How had you recovered from it?"  
  
Ranma looked away uncomfortably and started whistling.  
  
"Ranma MADE me remember."  
  
"Humm… Pure will restoration, then."  
  
"Yes, so?"  
  
Tofu sat back on a chair.  
  
"Well, the Xi Fa Xiang Gao works by bypassing a memory block, preventing the conscious mind from accessing it. For something unimportant, it is pretty much erasing it in a few days. For something more important, it takes longer; if the mind can access it one way or another, through psychosomatic methods or ingrained reflexes, that block can be felt, and if the will is strong enough, removed. Now, it's like everything else : the more you do it, the better you get at it. And since the Xi Fa Xiang Gao requires enormous will to be removed, one successful attempt is enough to learn how to do that."  
  
"But I tried to lift the veil many times, and I could only remember a few things…"  
  
"My guess is, the technique was applied more strongly this time around. Maybe a better practitioner…"  
  
Ranma and Akane looked at each other.  
  
"Cologne…"  
  
Tofu added, "I'm pretty sure of it. Shampoo's technique was good, but she's not used to shiatsu enough to perform it flawlessly. Luckily, what I said before is still true, and because your mind already knows what will happen if I release your pent-up memories, I can unlock it directly without risking an aneurysm."  
  
So saying, Tofu rose behind the table where Akane was laying, he signed Ranma to hold onto her, and then applied his fingers all around her forehead and temples, his thumbs poised on the top of her head. He pushed once, using some ki in his action. Instantly, Akane's eyes glazed over, she looked around the room without seeing it for a few seconds then started crying.  
  
"My baby… They took her from me…" Akane latched onto a frozen Ranma and started crying like a lost soul.   
  
Tofu shook his head once, half in disbelief and half in anger. Nothing angered him more than seeing formidable techniques used in such despicable ways. Genma for example was bad enough, although he relented from using the most devastating and limited himself to ridiculous (yet effective) ones, but Cologne had just joined Happosai in his up till now very limited Black List.  
  
"We would better make sure."  
  
Tofu was getting angry by the second. After Ranma managed to calm Akane down, he had her strip down to her underwear and looked at her waist.  
  
Stretch marks.  
  
Since Jusendo played with Akane's body a lot (being reduced to a 1/18th scale then inflated again), he asked her for a more thorough exam. Since he had been Akane's gynecologist before he left, the only one feeling really embarrassed here was Ranma. Tofu on his side could see they REALLY were newlyweds, and very energetic at that. But he doubted that even Ranma could cause such elasticity to appear in Akane's body : she definitely had given birth.  
  
But then, she should have suffered some other aftereffects, such as increased bust size and body weariness. Some explanations came from Akane :  
  
"I kept practicing Tai Chi up till the last week, and used mild electrostimulation on my muscles."  
  
Further examination made him discover that Akane's lactation had been stopped using shiatsu. He could disable them easily, but first he needed to know what Ranma and Akane intended to do.  
  
The answer was firm and set in stone.  
  
"We'll get her back." 


	3. Battle Plans for an Honeymoon!

Chapter 3 : Battle Plans for an Honeymoon.  
  
On their way back to the dojo, Ranma was uncharacteristically silent. Akane didn't notice at first, that is until she noticed how cold it was getting.  
  
"Brrr… It's cold for the beginning of summer. Weather around here's really weird."  
  
No response.  
  
"Ranma? Did you hear me?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
He kept walking. Akane had stopped then, and noticed the cold seemed to go away the further Ranma walked from her. She ran up to him.  
  
"Ranma? Are you using the Soul of Ice?"  
  
He didn't answer but Akane could see condensation gathering on his brow. His face seemed carved out of ice. She decided now was not a good time for going home, and she took him to a secluded little park, empty at this time of day.  
  
Once there, and after checking that nobody was around, Akane sat on a bench, telling Ranma to do the same.  
  
"What's wrong Ranma? Why are you using the Soul of Ice now?"  
  
"…"  
  
"Oh come on! Don't play the big mighty macho warrior and tell me! You're my husband, remember? We're as one! If anything bothers you, I'm bothered! If there's something that disturbs you, you should tell me!"  
  
Ranma had raised an ear at her 'as one' and filed it away for further use in dealing with Ryoga. Of course, this thought process took him a little while with his concentration and all, and Akane was getting impatient. So he answered.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't release it now without destroying half the park in a fit of anger."  
  
Akane blinked, then sighed in understanding. "You use it to control your emotions."  
  
"Yes. Now it isn't as successful as I though, since while I can control them, I can't deal with them and I'm stuck." All that said with a clinical detachment so unlike Ranma Akane was getting really worried.  
  
"I didn't know the Soul of Ice could have such strong effects around you… Look at yourself, you're freezing to death! You have to let go of it now!"  
  
"Toldja I'm gonna destroy the area in doing so."  
  
Akane could see the reason behind his statement.  
  
"Insult me Ranma."  
  
"What?"  
  
"Insult me! How hard is it for you?"  
  
Ranma took a large breath, grabbed a microphone out of thin air and started a long litany.  
  
"You asked for it." huuuuummph "Uncute tomboy can't kick thighs are too thick pervert girl your cooking's toxic waste play martial artist will ya who'd marry such an uncute gURK!"  
  
Akane had found enough energy to power Mallet-sama and Ranma was now heading towards the horizon line. Five minutes later, an angry purple-red color permeated the clouds over what she evaluated as being Ranma's landing place.  
  
And anyway, Ranma should have leveled Mount Horai completely instead of simply collapsing it last time he was there. Baka!  
  
Ranma dragged himself back to the park a few hours later, obviously grumbling but not freezing anymore. He found Akane slowly crying at the exact place she had been before, and his concern won over. He sat next to her.  
  
"I'm sorry Akane I asked for it-" he started only to be interrupted by her raised hand.  
  
"Don't apologize Ranma I did that on purpose for you to discharge. I'm not crying because of that."  
  
Ranma blinked then realized. Wordlessly he took her in his arms and rocked her gently. She pressed herself into him and cried in earnest for a long time, his hand caressing her hair and murmuring soothing words.  
  
"Shhh… We're gonna make Chinese dumplings… Lacquered Duck… I've heard roasted C-c-cats taste like rabbit… The mummy once naturalized should be a terrific scarecrow for Kasumi's garden… Shhh don't cry…"  
  
Ok, well he tried anyway.  
  
When they finally came back home, they were resolute to get a few answers. They fell upon a waiting Nabiki in the genkan.  
  
"Took you long enough. Now if you want to do something about your… situation, you'd better shut up and follow me. We've got a honeymoon to plan."  
  
"Huh/Wha-?" Nabiki made a shushing noise and beckoned for them to follow her. They complied, this seriousness was unlike any of Nabiki's previous schemes. This meant it must be pretty big.  
  
Silently, the group made its way to a secluded corner of the Tendo garden, when Nabiki shushed them again and leaped up the garden wall, disappearing on the other side. Left gaping for a second, both Ranma and Akane decided to follow. They met with Nabiki on the other side, and she led them away.  
  
Once in a small back street not too far from the dojo, Nabiki sat down on the ground and motioned Ranma and Akane to do the same.  
  
"Before we start, yes, I know your child's been taken from you. No, I couldn't do a thing to prevent it: Father was far smarter than he let on and had been monitoring my activities for quite some time. While I don't think he'd harm me, he's got enough on me to have me jailed for a few years and use that time to scramble my network."  
  
"What? Your so-called 'network' is more important to you than my daughter, your niece?!" Akane was starting to boil dangerously. Ranma made no movement to prevent her, and was glaring at Nabiki.  
  
"Without my network, we'd lose the house and dojo; Kasumi would be forced to marry the first one around (she'd never allow dishonor to fall upon Tofu, so he's not an option), I'd never get to go to college and you and Ranma would be roaming the country looking for a run-down dojo to practice in. I don't event talk about teaching, that would request Kami-sama's direct intervention."  
  
Somewhat mollified, Ranma and Akane waited for her to end. When Nabiki stopped, Ranma asked: "What's this crap about an honeymoon?"  
  
"It's the easiest way for the both of you to go away without raising suspicions and retrieve your daughter." They nodded in understanding.  
  
"Whatcha gonna do? I mean, now that you've told us, the old men are gonna get wild! What's in this for you?"  
  
"Yes Nabiki, what will happen to you and Kasumi?"  
  
Nabiki shook her head. "Father knows about my activities, but he can't know about my talking with you, and I have set up the trip already via proxy: he can't know a thing. Kasumi's been given the Xi Fa Xian Gao, so she's not directly concerned by this. What's in here for me…" Nabiki's face got harder. "I don't like being on the end of a scheme, especially if it can destroy my family. It's a matter of self-respect and professional honor. And also…"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I want my niece back."  
  
Was that a tear lost in the middle of the Ice-queen's cheek? Ranma and Akane decided to solve this matter later.  
  
"Okay, so you merely stay here distracting the old bastards while we're away." Ranma stated.  
  
"Not so fast Ranma, your father had nothing to do with it; as far as I know, your mother goaded him into taking you on that trip. Since I monitor all the phone calls in the house, I have known what would happen far sooner than anybody else, but my hands were tied, and you Ranma were lost in the middle of the wilderness. I'm sure of it, your father isn't at fault here – for once."  
  
"Mom?!"  
  
"According to what I heard, she thinks a female is not a proper heir to the dojo and would prevent Akane and you from raising the real heir, which would be a boy this time." Nabiki's eyes got harder. "If it were only her, she'd have drowned your daughter right at birth. In fact, you could even thank the Amazons, thanks to them your child is alive and taken care of."  
  
The married couple grumbled. Nabiki continued.  
  
"Father agreed with Nodoka saying that a girl wasn't a proper heir, but he didn't want to be as harsh. In fact, he's the one who contacted Cologne; the Elder was fast to agree, and everything was set up. The day you gave birth, they had managed to block all the phone calls. The midwife who performed the delivery had been bribed by Cologne, and she then performed the Xi Fa Xiang Gao on Kasumi, the midwife and you."  
  
They blinked.  
  
"How long ago was it? My memory's a bit fuzzy." Akane asked.  
  
"Exactly eight days ago. Cologne kept you asleep until you had mostly recovered from the delivery, Nodoka managed to have all of your gynecologist and school records edited to say you hadn't been pregnant but taking courses at home while recovering from a rare illness, and during that time Shampoo was alternating between taking care of the child and wiping Furinkan's memories from your pregnancy. It wasn't too hard to do so, you started showing very late, and kept yourself scarce."  
  
"How come they didn't try to erase your memories?"  
  
"Because Father knows I write down and backup everything that happens around here, and doesn't know how many safeguards I have; it was easier to restrain me from action than risking me recovering my memories."  
  
They nodded.  
  
"Okay, now here's the plan; I know the amazon are headed straight to Nyuuchezu, and are most likely going to stay hidden there. I can get you to Hong-Kong pretty easily and have a couple playing your role there while you get out unnoticed; I can buy you a month this way, maybe six weeks. I just don't know what to do from here."  
  
Ranma answered, his mind forming battle plans around what Nabiki had told him.  
  
"I know of several places where Akane and I could train along the road; this should allow us to reach a level high enough to deflect anything the Amazon throw at us. They're supposed honorable" – at this he got heavy-lidded stares, but continued anyway – "except Cologne, and she won't be able to back off in front of their whole Council. As soon as we get there, we challenge them and get our daughter back. By beating them in a formal challenge of honor we prevent them from going after us, and we come back here."  
  
"What about your mother and Father?" asked Nabiki.  
  
"I've been without a mother for ten years, what's a whole life without her now? I don't want a mother who doesn't love her grandchildren; Akane and I are married, we can become heads of the Saotome-Tendo clan. As for your father, we can take the head of the dojo, and he can go get lost wherever he wants."  
  
Nabiki sighed, but had figured as much. "Okay, here's what we're going to do…"  
  
After they had finished planning, they went back the way they came, not noticing a form appearing from the shadows. Two round circles flashed into the night and the form disappeared. 


	4. Scramble! Scramble!

Chapter 4 – Scramble! Scramble!  
  
Nobody needed to be told why, although it was abused daily (and more often than not, more than that), the grass in the Tendo property was lush and tall: Soun was all in himself a very effective sprinkler system. Since he mainly had two crying modes (the Twin Silent Rivers technique and the Full Blown Drowning Wail), his continuous training to perfect them and develop variations has entitled some to label them for each and all emotional situation (wail #74, My Little Girl is Mad at her Fiancé and Made me a new Skylight, for example).  
  
Bullshit.  
  
Simply put, Soun Tendo is a sensitive man with lachrymal glands disorder. Or, for the medically not inclined, Soun is a crybaby. Usually. Some times, he's not.  
  
Now is NOT one of those times.  
  
"WAAAH! My little girl is all grown-up and is leaving her old Daddy for her honeymoon! I'M SO HAPPY!"  
  
To tell if Soun Tendo is happy or sad is a hard task. You have to wait for him to tell you, because the curtain of tears is the same one way or another.  
  
This is the reason why it is stupid to label his wails: they're all so much alike you can't tell them apart.  
  
However, you could try to label the different uses of such a cheap, regular and powerful water stream. In fact, Nabiki Tendo had thought about sell… renting her father to the electric company: cheaper than a hydroelectric dam, taking far less space and almost self maintaining, she had let this idea drop when Soun started on "WAAAH! My Daughter wants to get rid of me to make a few buck! I'M SO SAD!".  
  
She wouldn't have minded doing it, if Kasumi hadn't scolded her for damaging the floor mats with Father's tears.  
  
You just don't cross Kasumi. So, her project was dropped. A shame, really. But then, she would have had to install a regular sprinkler system in the backyard. So it wasn't a total loss.  
  
Anyway, she now had another project. So she simply didn't care if her father drowned (literally) in his own tears. We shouldn't, either. Back to the cause of Soun's present wailing then.  
  
So, Ranma and Akane were done packing for their honeymoon, and Nabiki was just done giving them her good-bye present (in exchange for a favor, of course). A (cheap) wallet with plane tickets (2nd class), passports and visas, some money (not too much, though), and a piece of nondescript paper smelling slightly like lemon.  
  
A few rubbers, too. You never know, it could prove useful.  
  
Strangely, nobody noticed the absence of a fat, bald martial artist with a fetish for old tires and beach balls. Or if they did, they thought he was off emptying bottle after bottle of sake, celebrating his now effective retirement. That would be so much like Genma Saotome…  
  
Downtown Tokyo.  
  
"Hey Eiji, call Greenpeace, we've got an endangered specie running wild."  
  
Sgt. Eiji Taka shook his head.  
  
"Seeing what it is, I think WWF (the nature protecting one, not the over-muscled cheap other) would be more appropriate here."  
  
And so, a black and white furball was shipped back to China, letting many wonder how an animal as placid as a panda could cross the sea and all of Japan and get plastered in downtown Tokyo without anybody noticing a thing (all zoos, black market animal resellers and loony rich people were discretely interviewed on that one, and apart from an alligator called Mr. Turtle quoting Shakespeare, nothing out of the usual was reported).  
  
Some emitted the theory that old tires in Tokyo are of better batting quality and that this panda was as set on the quality of his tires than a Frenchman on that of the bread making his sandwich. That would be ludicrous (not the part about the sandwich, though), if said panda hadn't whipped out a Toyota Camry tire out of thin air and started playing with it. So the matter was dropped, and the explanation accepted as being good enough.  
  
After all, with what happens in some wards, a wild panda with a tire fetish is just plain ordinary.  
  
Meanwhile, at Tokyo Airport...  
  
"Chime Passengers for the JAL flight 8712, at destination to Hong-Kong, please present yourselves at gate 12 to register your luggage."  
  
"Why are you so tense Ranma?"  
  
"Oh... no reason. I'm not tense not at all nope nope nope! Why would I be tense?! Me, tense? Bwahahahaha!" The silliness etched upon Ranma was perfectly balanced by the shadow on his brow and the cold sweat drops running along his temples.  
  
"Say... come to think of it, it may just be your first time aboard a plane."  
  
"Me? Don't be dumb Akane, I'm not scared of no crappy plane!"  
  
"You said it, not me. Let's hurry up to our gate, or we're going to miss our flight, and these tickets don't allow for a refund or exchange."  
  
While our young couple was going (or more precisely, Akane dragged a very reluctant Ranma) to the passenger gate, an official was watching the boarding of a very special piece of wildlife in the luggage compartment of an old plane headed towards the closest airport to the Bayankala mountain range.  
  
"I wonder why they decided on that place over all the others. Maybe you're a very rare and special stain from that area... or the genetic engineering facility the Chinese 'secretly' installed there need another test subject," the official told the animal.  
  
Said animal was still batting a Toyota Camry tire, obviously unconcerned by the hastily scratched 'Nerima Zoo' replaced by 'Bayankala Mountains, China' on its paperwork. The comment about the facility made it almost miss a bat though.  
  
Once loaded aboard, things started getting weird: every time a syringe containing a narcotic approached the cage the panda would growl at it, and attempts at covertly putting it to sleep using a dart gun ended in the dart being embedded in the tire. After the tenth failed attempt, and seeing that the beast was otherwise peaceful, they decided to leave it at that.  
  
If somebody had looked at the panda at the time of take-off, they would have seen it biting hard on its nails. Of course, pandas don't take planes, and it was obviously this one's first time.  
  
"Come ON, Ranma! Stop being so childish! Plenty of people take planes, and it's in fact statistically safer than driving a car!" Akane almost yelled.  
  
"Yeah, but in a car you don't fall from as high as this!" Ranma shakily answered.  
  
"Okay, do you want something to help you calm down? I can ask for some tablets, I think they may make you some good." Akane gestured to the stewardess.  
  
"No! No tablets! They don't work on me none! Kodachi has me immune to most drugs now anyway! And I don't like the taste, and it gives me stomach aches, and..."  
  
WHAMMO!  
  
The stewardess finally showed up, and blinked at the slumped Ranma.  
  
"Are our newlyweds alright?"  
  
"Well, he had a bad case of first flight fright, but I managed to calm him down." So saying, Akane caressed almost lovingly the handle of her travel mallet (smaller than her normal one and easier to use than a shinai in a cramped space; ideal for knocking out wayward boyfriends, fiancés and husbands during stressing trips).  
  
The stewardess blinked, sweat-dropped and left it at that. Of all the luck, 1st class had to be almost empty today, and the couple got upgraded to HER 1st class, with congratulations from the staff. It was time she got herself a new job; traveling the world is nice, but the literal shock of cultures was a bit... unsettling sometimes.  
  
Both flights went pretty much eventless from then on. 


	5. Tea House Mambo

Chapter 5 – Tea House Mambo

Landing in Shanghai Airport was highly welcomed by two passengers of the JAL flight 8712. One Ranma Saotome, was feeling extremely relieved from having some real ground under his feet. Some would find it surprising, as being the heir of the Saotome School of Indiscriminate Grappling, his fighting prowess focused on air-born exchanges – in short, flashy jumps of extraordinary hang-time.

One may think that simply flying without seeing the ground, or not under his own power, was terrifying for one so attuned to the elements as Ranma is. That one would forget that, being acquainted with Akane Tendo, Ranma has spent a lot of time in Low Earth Orbit, courtesy of Mallet-sama (ergo, NOT under his own power) and seeing stars from the initial blow (which makes it hard to see the ground).

So Ranma Saotome, whose only fear known to date had been induced by a strong childhood traumatic event, was just plain uneasy when flying in a plane.

Which leads us to the other person feeling relieved by the landing, that person being Akane Saotome, formerly known as Akane Tendo, heir to the Tendo School of Indiscriminate Grappling (and a bunch of other titles liberally delivered by either Tatewaki Kuno or Ranma Saotome). While not frightened by the flight herself, Akane had been forced to use her travel mallet quite often on the cranium of her beloved but baka husband to keep him calm, or at the very least, silent. Some would say it was brutal and selfish of her not to try and reassure her husband that everything was going to be all right, that the plane wasn't going to crash, or whatever endearment that should have proven successful...

As a matter of facts, she knew that Ranma reacted to such behaviour with extreme scepticism and even a bit of fright, which would have compounded with his present concern and might have triggered his cat persona, which in turn could have proven hazardous seeing as he was able to slice about anything in that state, and she really didn't want to experience cabin depressuring while flying over the Sea of Japan.

So she had to resort to external means of calming him down, and since chemicals had almost no effects on him now, that left only the application of carefully calculated blunt force.

Or, to be truthful, to let free the mallet-happy reflex.

--

The trip to the hotel wasn't too difficult; what was quite intriguing was the sheer amount of policemen standing at ready in the street. Ranma, who spoke a little Cantonese, asked the hotel receptionist what the hell was that about.

"Oh, it's just that since the People Party decided to start turning the country towards commercial interests instead of pure communism, they didn't know what to do with the army – so they use them for everything, and those that misbehave are assigned to a hundred metres of street length and are not to move from it. That's one way to maintain discipline and reassure the tourists that they are well protected."

"Geez, and other than keeping poodles from peeing on their pants, what do they do?"

"Some were assigned to being museum guardians, some to gardening in parks, some play security at the entrance of some buildings... Who knows? Some may even be actually undergoing manoeuvre exercises!"

"..."

"Here you go Sir and Madam, have a nice honeymoon!"

Ranma took the offered key, and led Akane towards the lift. Once in their room, Ranma took the nondescript piece of paper and started rubbing it against a switched on lightbulb.

"What are you doing Ranma?"

"Nabiki used the oldest trick in the book to conceal a message: lemon juice. If you dip a quill - an old fashioned, clean one - in it and write as if it were ink, it can't be seen; you usually use it to conceal a few lines of text in an otherwise harmless document. The only problem with it is that it leaves a slight lemon scent behind, but it is otherwise very efficient."

"Oh? So how do you reveal what has been written?"

At the exact time Akane finished her sentence, the bulb finally got hot enough to reveal the writing.

"The burning point for lemon juice is a bit lower than that of a piece of paper; as such, applying the paper on the bulb burns the juice, but not the paper, thus leaving behind burnt traces – that can be read," Ranma explained while carefully applying different areas of the paper to the bulb, taking great care not to burn the paper itself.

"Wow."

"I hear that this technique was initially used with candles; at the time paper was thicker or made using very fine leather or fabric, and didn't burn as easily. It was much trickier, of course, but it really is the oldest trick I know of – apart from concealing the message under someone's hair."

Akane did a double take.

"What?"

"Some stuff in Egypt during the Antiquity I think, a guy shaved the head of one of his servants, wrote his message, waited until the hair grew back, and then sent his servant to bring the message; the guy who got the message merely had to re-shave the head of the servant. Very efficient, but a bit long in implementation for my taste."

"Except if you undo your hair, Ranma."

"Oh, ha ha. The dragon's whisker doesn't work any more, anyway."

"I know, I was just yanking your chain dear. So what does this message say?"

Ranma read the now visible script out loud, eyes following the neat, impersonal words characterizing Nabiki's writing. After a few seconds of pondering, Ranma spoke. "Basically, it boils down to wait for a couple of impersonators, trade clothes and get lost. The rest if up to us."

At that exact moment, a knock was heard at the door. The two persons who entered, one young man and a woman, were actually so much alike Ranma and Akane that they wondered if they weren't just looking in a mirror. And when they talked, they had the strange feeling of hearing each other's voice. Even the speech patterns were identical.

"Geez, when Nabiki looks for look-alikes, she doesn't do things by half..."

"Actually", the fake Ranma said, "we were at first supposed to model in your place in promotional events where calendars, magazines and stuff with your photos in prominent position would be sold. We're trained to look like you, and the Boss pays well."

At once reminded of what Nabiki usually did to them, they didn't know if they should congratulate her or throttle her when this rescue mission was done with.

The two martial artists on a rescue mission exchanged a look.

"Both", they thought at the same time.

--

After a fast exchange of clothing and some re-packing, Ranma and Akane left the hotel; Ranma led the way, until they reached a nondescript little shop. Akane recognized some of the kanji, and looked incredulously at Ranma.

"A tea house? Is that your first, superb training place?"

"Well, it doesn't look like much, and considering what you saw during this tea-fu parody I don't blame you for not trusting what they could teach here, but just remember that I learnt Kashu Tenshin Amaguriken between working in a noodle joint and a funfair. And they don't teach you how to fight here; they teach you how to relax."

"And that would help us fighting better?" Akane was scorchingly sarcastic.

"Me, not much; I'm already pretty relaxed and I didn't have to learn the basics here, I got started on the more advanced techniques. You, on the other hand, would finally learn how not to telegraph your moves, how not to put so much strength into them and how to save your energy."

Not convinced, Akane followed Ranma as he entered the shop.

A small little lady greeted them in Japanese.

"Welcome back, Wild Horse. I get it that this pretty lady here is your wife?"

"Thank you Mrs. Chi-li. I present you my wife, Akane. She needs to learn the basics, and let me warn you not only is she head-strong"-

"Hey!"

"-she's also plain strong. You will have to teach her how to relax a bit forcibly I'm afraid."

"Very well. I will see to her personally. Meanwhile I imagine you want to work some more on what your father interrupted last time? I think my daughter Lin just freed her schedule for the coming week just for you. Or so I heard."

By now Akane was wondering if she hadn't just agreed to follow Ranma in a brothel, and she dreaded what kind of 'training' her perverted husband had planned for her. The last thought got her pissed-off aura started, but the little lady just poked her in the plexus, and Akane deflated like a punctured tire, much to her amazement.

"Don't worry so much dear, you'll mar your beautiful skin with wrinkles before your age otherwise. I don't think you'll disapprove of the training one we're finished."

"What! You mean you're going to brain-wash me too!" Akane's aura sprang back to life at that point.

"Impressive. I think the advanced techniques will be even more useful on her than they were on you, Ranma." Saying so, she drew a few signs in the hair at the edge of Akane's aura, and in a short, extremely violent push of her palms that had the building groaning from the strain to contain the shift in energies, she redirected all the energy inside Akane's body.

Who was left wondering at how powerful yet crappy she felt.

"When you're better trained dearie, you'll be able to use your own energy as something else than an impressive yet ineffective leakage. Focus! Girl, that's the secret."

Akane blinked in astonishment.

"How – How can you learn this kind of technique in a tea house?"

"Well, that's what the training is about. Oh, and another thing." The middle-aged woman bended forward to whisper a few words to Akane. "The kind of training you were thinking about at first is also provided here, however I think you're already more advanced here than your husband."

"Huh?"

Chi-Li looked at Akane in the eye. "None of my girls were able to land the Wild Horse. Either he's a wonder of chivalry, or he's as innocent as a newborn."

"Humm... Well, actually he's both."

"And does he live up to his name?"

Akane blushed (or blushed even more, as she was already pretty red from all that happened before).

"Just checking." Chi-Li turned and started to exit the room, but then turned back to Akane. "Oh, and I'll take that as a yes. You lucky girl you. The same, my daughter is happily married and isn't interested in the Wild horse as someone other than a very exciting student to teach to. So you can send the green-eyed monster packing."

Ranma looked quizzically. "Huh, what wuz that about?"

Akane hadn't stopped blushing. "I'll tell you when you're older, Ranma."

"Oh. All right." Then he did a double-take, "HEY!"

Akane followed Chi-li, still blushing but stifling a giggle.


End file.
